a personal account of my journey from the depths of drug addiction
There are so many “simple” tools that I can do in order to live a drug/alcohol free life. I’ve taken the time to list a few. Over time I will add more.
Read Article1.God 2.Prayer 3.Bible 4.Faith 5.Servanthood 6.Determination 7.Surrender
Read ArticleI have a list of verses that helps me the most as a recovering alcoholic…
Read ArticleRescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter. (Proverbs 24:11)
My life is no longer my own. The day I got on my knees begging God to relief the obsession, I made a vow. For the rest of my life I would dedicate to being a servant that helps others with recovery. Whenever I come across this verse, it is the most accurate description of what my mission is.
There were moments leading up to my flight that I asked my dad “Just tell me you need me to stay in Hawaii, I’ll cancel everything.” Dad said “NO.” When I arrived in California I called my mom and said “Hi, pick me up from Honolulu Airport, I didn’t get on the plane” She replied. “I know you’re in Cali, you will be obedient to God.” I wont lie, even though I want/need to be here…its hard to leave my family.
I want to stay in Hawaii, I need to be in California. It was never more evident than a few conversations I’ve been having with family/friends over the last couple of days. As Im saying my goodbyes, my Hawaii crew basically say “We’ll miss you and want you stay.” The crew in California “Cant wait to see you, we need you back.” One particular person said “Grateful to have you back in my life tomorrow, I dont know what i’d do without you if you ever decided to leave for good.”
There are days when I ask God why I have to go through so much? In the past 6 months; i’ve had my grandmother die, found out my sister has some medical stuff, watching my surviving grandmother start to go crazy, my mom is still sick, death of a friend from overdose, figuring out what Im supposed to do with my life, failing an exam by one point, relocating to another state (again)…and those are only things off the top of my head. The answer is that through all these trials and tribulations where I’ve relied on Christ to get through, are an example for those I work with.
I have been dealing with major anxiety the last 8 days. It got so bad that I was averaging 3-5 hours of sleep a night (waking up at least twice) + physically I was weak + had a mini-panic attack the other day. Probably the reason why there was no desire to do any writing recently. Emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually beat down.
Wrote and deleted 2 different entries for tonight. Its kind of like a chore when once upon a time it was a release for my emotions, feelings and a looooong time ago it was totally about solutions. Does anyone read this to hear how my day went? Probably not, its boring. For those of you who have been reading this for the last 2 years, email a question or ten. Im out of stuff to write about at the moment and im not gonna force anything out.
Lack of sleep = a previous entry from over 2 years ago. I always talk about a personal relationship with God, here is the most accurate description of what it means to me.
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all (Psalm 34:17-19)
God always places the exact people I need in my life, whenever I pray. On my own I make poor decisions but the times that I get out of self-will, open my mouth and ask for help…God never fails. My last entry dealt with the fears/doubts that were causing me to lose sleep for the last few nights. This entry will deal with the amazing wisdom that has been gained in the last 24 hours.
Doubts and fears…they still happen. Early this morning I sent this email to my sponsor, sister and trusted friend. Its unedited, raw and what I felt during a bout of major insomnia. The best part? It lasted just a moment, they all contacted me and I have the peace I was seeking.
Just going to rehab wont get you sober. Having the best treatment in the wold helps but its not the solution. Attending meetings everyday wont stop you from getting loaded. How do I know this? The roommate I had for 20 days in rehab…is now serving a 16 month sentence for drug possession. He hasn’t put together more than 90 days clean. Frequent visits to the ER for overdose and suicide attempts have happened. In other words…you have to want it, be willing to do whatever it takes and find your higher power. By the way, my higher power is Christ alone.
Tweets...Posting tweet...
Powered by Twitter Tools
