I just want to know what the heck I am supposed to do with my life. There is a need for some Christ based recovery, people tell me they have to have more Christians willing to bridge the gap, yet I have no idea where I am supposed to do it. Every time I think that i have found a place to serve…the finances that were promised, just disappear.

I’ve put the leg work into finding employment in the field and each time it falls through Im ready to just get a regular 9-5 job…people I trust tell me to stick with it and just wait upon God. Its hard. Watching guys with less sobriety time who dont even have any moral compass are moving ahead in life and I feel like im stuck in neutral.

Then I have experiences like the last 5 days where I was a part of leading 2 men to knowing Jesus as Lord and saviour. I was able to help one of my buddies process the death of his 17yr old cousin. Having serious one on one time with over 10 guys talking about God was a blessing. None of this would have been possible if I was focusing on my own selfish desires.

Having faith that Gods hand is at work right now in using me as a conduit to for Him is real. I dont doubt that He is in control because of everything that ive been seeing. Thats the easy part. Its having faith that God hasn’t forgot about me concerning moving on with my life that I lack. For the last 2 years all I have done is struggle with “work”, churches/sober homes/rehabs love the work I do for those in recovery but they all want it for free or at a fee that is pathetic.

Are there times I want to give up and focus on money? Hell yes. However I know that is not what where my passion is at. It is not what God has called me to do. I dont know anymore what to do but to just keep trusting that God is slamming certain doors because He has something way better planned. I just wish He would give me a hint as to what it is.