The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all (Psalm 34:17-19)

God always places the exact people I need in my life, whenever I pray. On my own I make poor decisions but the times that I get out of self-will, open my mouth and ask for help…God never fails. My last entry dealt with the fears/doubts that were causing me to lose sleep for the last few nights. This entry will deal with the amazing wisdom that has been gained in the last 24 hours.

It all started with the scripture verse that my sponsor sent me. If I spend all my time worrying about what is seen in the natural world, I’ll be miserable. I need to focus on what God is doing in the super natural. While I may not see His hand at work, it is. Having faith that God is in control is whats going to get me through.

The day was going relatively well until I met with my doctor who said Im having gallbladder problems that are most likely due to my stress levels. Great, just great. To top everything off now I gotta worry about something new. It depressed me so much that I didn’t go to my martial arts class. Self pity was in full effect.

I ended up visiting Kaala and his family. Now this is when the lights went on and feeling sorry for myself went out the window. He flat out asked me why Im so stressed. I named my family situation, the move, wondering if I was good enough to take on the position in Cali, etc. What he said can be summed up in “Just be your self and focus on your relationship with Christ. You’re going to make mistakes and its ok. It shows you are human to the guys and they need to see that.” It took about 15 minutes for him to explain it (hes a motivational speaker, its in his genes) but it made perfect sense.

While that talk cleared up my apprehension of my job it didn’t take care of what I was feeling about my family. When I got home I had a heartfelt discussion with my dad. To make a long story short…the deep seeded regret I’ve had is that I missed out on 13 years of a honest/good relationship with my parents. With the death of my grandmother a few months ago, the realization that they wont be around forever sunk in.

The talk with dad ended with me crying apologizing for the years I threw away when I was addicted to drugs and alcohol. I let him know that I cherish every moment I have with him and mom, that leaving for California isn’t easy with grandma deteriorating so fast but it something I need to do. All dad said “I love you Jon, its ok. You have grown so much recently I understand why you’re moving….its because what God needs you to do.”

In conclusion, the last few days were horrible. I internalized my emotions and it took me to a place where I became physically sick. Being honest with myself and others, started the healing process. Listening to suggestions and taking it to heart, allowed me to hear what God has been wanting me to learn all along. It was when I finally and whole heartedly let go and let God…the depression lifted and the peace that I was seeking returned.