There are days when I just wanna punch or kick the living crap out of things. Not really people but a punching bag or kick shield would be nice to go a little crazy on. Today is one of those days. The level of frustration I am going through….cant even put into words. Even if I tried to explain it all, I would owe amends to too many people. Therefore im not gonna try.

What I need to do is take a few days off asap. Just get away from the insanity of the house and the sickness of those I live with. I don’t care how much sobriety time someone has. Being surrounded by newly sober, needy, self-centered, manipulative people 24/7, it wears on you. The ability to handle the simplest headaches can snowball into words that should never been said.

Its a recurring theme with me, work, work, work. What affects my drive is that there some people who make snide comments that I don’t work. That my life running the house is piece of cake. Why I allow that to bother me so much eludes me. Probably because deep down I want to impress certain people. Stupid.

For those that read my blog I’ve never detailed what exactly I do daily. Here is brief snapshot of a typical day. Am I writing this to maybe reassure myself that what I do has value? Putting this out there so anyone who doubts my “job” can realize the stress of running a sober living? Yes.

I have 15 guys in the house, I talk to basically every one for at least 15 min. See where they are at in life, sobriety, faith, etc. Some can last up to a few hours. Im available 24/7, there are times when i’ll get woken up at 3am because they are struggling. I’ll stay with them till they are ok. Interpersonal conflict….thats my job to fix.

Know what, I cant even explain everything I do. For anyone who questions if I “work hard, earn my paycheck, have any influence on the crew/” Come do my job for a week, heck live my life for 48 hrs. Maybe then you’ll understand the stress im under, why there may be consecutive days when I say “im tired”, etc.

Is this a little bitch session? Hell yes and I am allowed the opportunity to do it. For years I would bottle up my frustrations and let them fester in my soul. Not anymore. I’ll let you know what Im disappointed, hurt, sad or angry. By being honest with myself about what is going on, I can be honest with others. If you don’t like my bluntness and inability to hide my feelings….leave. Its who I am and the moment I stop being true to myself….don’t even want to think about it.