My first class for school is complete and I did pretty well, hew. Sister gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby girl, praise God. Finally got the second sober house so im no longer dealing with 18 newly sober guy, a huge relief. Now the last thing on my plate that’s been stressing me out…getting ordained on Monday. Holy crap, im getting ordained.

The message has been prepared for 2 weeks, kinda memorized it while I was writing it. I’ve never been this ready to go up and teach…ever. Yet, there has still been a ton of anxiety left. Questions if im good enough, ready, capable, etc of stepping into a pastoral role?

Yeah, God has been prepping me for this role for years. I even had the tug on my heart to be in ministry when I was 12, sitting on the rock wall in front of my home church and feeling led to one day be a pastor. Guess I tried to run from that for a while and now…its 48 hours away.

Even though my transformation has been nothing short of a miracle doubts have been kicking my butt recently. Im not funny enough, have too many flaws to count, etc. It really does suck. If there is anyone who could help boost my confidence I figured it would be my parents. Well here is a convo we had today.

Me: “I don’t know if I’m good enough to be ordained.”
Mom: “You’re not. You don’t have what it takes. HOWEVER…with God using and working through you, you’re not only good enough but capable of doing some amazing things.”

She is right. Im not funny enough, have a crap load of character defects, don’t have seminary training and might not have what it takes. However when I step out of self-will and trust that God is in control and that He is the one that is shinning through…. That gives me the re-assurance that I needed.

I will always fall short of the glory of God. Making mistakes will happen. There will be times when my message absolutely sucks. Striving for perfection is pointless. What I need to do is strive for excellence. Continually seek Gods will and rest on Him for all things.

While I may have downplayed how huge this next step is…im really blessed to be in this position. The prayers of everyone who’s ever heard my story continues to come to fruition. 4 years ago it was only a dream, 3 years ago I started to follow what God placed on my heart, 2 years ago I was ready to give up on my dream, 1 year ago I came back to California with the dream in sight. Spending all those hours in prayer, reading the Bible and being of service is culminating in me becoming a….pastor. Wow.