“You gotta feel the real pain, to feel the real love.” ~Raquel

A few months ago while looking over my friends sketchbook I saw that quote. It made such an impression that she remembered our conversation and ended up putting it on a painting she gave me as a goodbye gift. The reason I was drawn to that quote is that’s how life has been recently.

The hard part about this blog is that its been all over the place plus I don’t edit it….I type and post. Sometimes its about sharing how ive overcome hardships in the past, weeks where it could be viewed more like a running “journal” as someone tells me, what its supposed to be is about sharing my experience, strength and hope to those seeking a new way of living life without drugs and alcohol.

I shoot from the hip and there are situations that I write about…. the true meaning is sometimes lost in translation. The great part about when I started this was hardly anyone read it. Now people read it expecting the kind of insight that was found in my book. Well here is the deal….it took months to whittle down select entries. I edited the crap out of it and added perspectives that were lacking from the original.

A particular example was from my recent trip home. I wrote about someone that at one time I had deep feelings for. The purpose wasn’t about wanting to be with her again or anything of the sort. If I was to ever publish a book again that entry would have been about restored relationships and answered prayers sometimes takes years to come to fruition.

For the first few months of this sites inception its focus was getting out my story plus an opportunity for those back home to follow my journey. Then it just took on a life of its own. Part devotional/journal/how to manual/etc. Ive never planned out what to write…I just write. Some entries have helped a lot of people, some are absolute crap and in rare occasions its my way of getting out what’s going on in my head.

Here’s the deal. Ive felt a lot of pain in the last few months and at the same time ive come to embrace real love. Im no different than the alcoholic with 4 hours sober or someone who’s never had a problem with drugs or the 50 year sober grand, grand, grand, grand sponsor when it comes down to this….im human and have my faults. I don’t have all the answers but what I do have is a desire to do things the right way, love unconditionally and I don’t hold anything back.

Love or hate what I share, please remember that its purpose isn’t about me….its about using my life experiences to show that God rocks. The fact that He has used me to bring hope to the hopeless and love the unlovable is a testament to His awesomeness.