Relapse is just something that is part of my life and community. Maybe ive been around it so much that it rarely phases me when someone goes out, in some ways it doesn’t ever shock me. Kinda like a built in boundary that allows me to do what I do without getting depressed. When I was told by the one person im closest to here in California that they had relapsed….I was seriously left speechless for about 10 min. Well didn’t really have a chance to say anything since she kept talking/crying. After the shock wore off all I did was hugged and told her I still loved her just as much then before she told me. More importantly im glad that it was a one time mistake that didn’t end up with her being dead.

Not gonna lie, it has rocked me pretty hard. I mean, we had distant for a few months because of stuff that had happened but it wasnt something I expected. Recently we had been spending more time together but knew there was something amiss. Just would have never guessed that’s what it was about. While she did tell me about it Tuesday it had been awhile since she actually relapsed. What really ate at me the last 48 hours was a bunch of what if questions. The one that ive pondered the most…what if we hadn’t grown so apart?

Those “what if” questions aren’t important anymore. I realize that there is nothing I could have done. The more pressing issue is how some of those in the community are responding. How the heck do you kick someone when they are down? Where do you get off psychobabbling and pointing out all the possible faults she did? Don’t you think that she already knows it was a mistake? The “program” talks about how we are to treat the newcomer…I may not go to a meeting every day but geez, if you really care about her, love her unconditionally.

Could my frustration be from the fact that we are so close? Eh, maybe but at the same time I do this anytime someone goes out and has to deal with the constant questions and judgment. Nothing could be said to prevent someone from going out…nothing can be said to beat them up that they haven’t already thought of for themselves. Love and tolerance is a “program” motto….people need to show it. Dealing with situations like this is nothing new and will continue. Over the last 2 days I really haven’t said much to her. Just wrapping my arm around her in silence, telling her that she’s still amazing and offering my presence. Here is thing for those new to recovery that have friends who slip up….just shut up and be a friend.