Death is something that Im sadly very accustomed to. Moving past the stages of grief are usually quick and painful. With Colin’s passing….im stuck on anger, longer than Ive ever before. Really angry at myself that I didn’t even reach out to him when it was suggested I do. Angry that I never made time to at least see him once since I got sober. Angry that I’ll never be able to talk to him again.
Archive for the ‘Random Thoughts’ Category
April11
Solutions.
April9
RIP Bro
Im still in shock so this entry might be all over the place but it was suggested I write…so im writing. Found out my best friend during the years in the scene died today. He treated me like a brother, took me under his wing and toughened me up.. I was soft when I first met him. With the crowd he ran with, that wasn’t an option. I’d come home with bruises all over my body, we’d punch, kick, choke each other out.
April5
Sometimes Its Hard.
I was recently asked why ive let someone back in my life when it causes me pain? Cause she’s trying to live a healthy life and I cant let my emotions overrule a request for help. Its not easy knowing that her heart is somewhere else. After the death of the kid in our community…im more determined than ever to not walk away.
April3
My Life
I live a wonderful life. Something that would have never been possible 5 years ago. Every once in awhile though, it gets lonely here. Don’t get me wrong. I have been adopted by a special family. They’ve embraced me as one of their own. The friends that I have here in California have been my foundation for years. Yet, im human. I do miss home often. Especially when I hear my nieces voice on a phone call or I when I realize how my family could use my help with things.
March28
Priorities
Prioritizing is something im learning more than ever. In the process this site…taken a back seat and oddly, im ok with it. Blogging was a huge part of my life since 2008. Its produced a book which was never a thought when I started. Shoot, it was just an idea that one of my mentors suggested and from it over 900+ entries followed. Between running my own business now + school + attempting to have a resemblance of a social life…I haven’t blogged for almost 2 weeks.
March18
Its Been A While….
Its been a while since I wrote anything. Between work + school + homework….there are some days I get home from the office, have a bite to eat, take a shower and pass out. Absolutely love it. Just wanted to share an email session I had with one of my boys who moved away. If anyone is struggling with fear, anger and lack of peace hope this can help.
March10
It Does Get Better
A while back one of the guys who used to live in the sober living was posting stuff on FB wondering what the point in being sober was a about. We never saw eye to eye and in the end it was more of a mutual agree to disagree standoff. I know, someone not agreeing with me….shocking.
March9
Pain Is Perception
Pain is perception. It’s a poster that I have in the gym. Ask anyone that trains with me if they have learned to push past the pain. Without a shadow of a doubt they will all say yes. Physical pain is one thing, if you just cant move anymore…I’ll let you stop. When it’s the mind that cannot handle…you’re gonna finish.
March8
Life Is Good
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. (1 John 5:14-15)
March5
Love One Another
Love one another….its a phrase I heard over and over again in class tonight. As the professor was going in depth with it and discussing the relevance of being a follower of Christ practicing it…kept nodding my head in agreement. Love my family, yep. Love my friends, yep. Love those I work with, yep. Love even those that hurt me in the distant past, yep. Love the one that ive been writing about….
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