I was asked if everything was ok since I haven’t posted anything in over a week….life is great, cant complain. The other day someone wanted to know what my typical work week looks like. Simple.
Archive for the ‘Questions From Readers’ Category
May14
Past vs. Present
June8
Change
My sponsor gave me an assignment concerning some of the recent personal problems ive been having. He asked me to look within and see what role I played in how things went wrong. Not what I wanted to hear but exactly what I needed. It can be easy to fall into the mindset that Im right most of the time. Considering what I do for a living, having confidence in what I decide is essential. Sometimes I forget to check my motives and when that happens…disaster.
May22
Why I Read The Bible
I was sent an email that asked….
I would like to talk to you about how you think the Word changes the life of those on the road of addiction. Without revealing too much, I am researching the role of God’s word applied to several of life’s devastating situations. Addiction is certainly a devastating and yet, all too common, part of life for many women today. If you can think of how the Word has been life changing for someone, I would love to know. Specifically, I am looking for someone who clings to the Scripture as life itself. Let me know if someone comes to mind. (Even yourself)
March14
Open & Honest Discussion.
Earlier today a close friend commented on yesterdays entry and it asked some challenging and honest questions. I love it. When someone makes me re-evaluate who I am, what im doing etc. It makes me think. One of the great parts about working a “program” is the ability to ask tough/honest questions and have a dialogue that is done in love.
June12
What Is Truth?
Truth: that which is true or in accordance with fact or reality
I have started to do something with guys I have sponsored. In the past I would provide them verses from my “sobriety tool box.”…now Im asking them to send me something from their own tool box and every week I’d meditate on what they provide. So here is one that I will be going over tomorrow…. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. (John 8:32)
June1
Control
Late last night/early this morning I attempted to write a bunch of times. After 4 attempts I just turned off the computer and went to sleep. Each entry was over a page long and every time it was deleted. If all I am doing is complaining about life with zero solution on how I’m getting through it…I wont post it. The foolish part is that all I needed to do was add on “I am having a hard time dealing with this, pray for me.”
May31
What I Desire.
So here is the last of The Professors questions. Considering this is the second time in less than 2 weeks that I have been called out on this subject…I have been thinking about it a lot. The hardest part has been removing any bias that I may have at the moment. With that said, here it is.
May30
Update…Who Are You
update….
I was challenged to get real and honestly what I wrote above is a bunch of fluff. So here goes, love it/hate it, worry/dont worry….if this is about cleaning out what I have stored up inside, it needs to get out.
Back to who I am. I love to help people, the biggest joy I now get is seeing other people smile. Its a double edged sword at times. I can give so much of myself that I overextend to the point that I neglect my own needs, mentally, spiritually and physically. Unless I have my focus on Christ and giving Christ like love….I get screwed. When I can love as 1 Corinthians 13 says, I may not get what I want but I always have peace.
My typical day does vary depending where I am living. In California im working pretty much every waking moment. When im in Hawaii, I have way too much free time. If I ever learned the concept of “balance” I would have an amazing life. Sadly its still all or nothing with me. I’ll give a 110%, push till there is nothing left to give or I can just get into cruise mode, which ultimately leads to idle time that allows my head to spin.
The concept of “church” has changed dramatically over the last 2 years. One of my pastors that I respect greatly has decided that he wont attend “church” on a regular basis. My sister asked what I thought about it and this was my reply.
“I understand where he is coming from being burnt out, seeing the “business” side if church etc. Do I believe that attending regularly and having a community of followers of Christ is essential to my walk? Yes. However they have mini church, fellowship and people over often. Plus they still read the Word, pray and are of service to others. Both kids attend church youth group activities etc.
The term “church” has always turned me away. Being in fellowship with people who love God, accept Jesus as His son, realize salvation is only through Christ and have their daily lives based on Truth is my choice …I’ll take them any day over the church goer who attends every Sunday but judges others, offers no grace, thinks they are holier than others and have no compassion for those not like them. Just going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, it makes you a church attendee. A Christian is one who lives a life knowing that without Christ, they are nothing.”
Oh boy, can I get slammed for what I just shared but honestly I dont care. The challenge about sharing who I am mostly lies in what is above. There is a frustration with the every day “church attendee” which has started to form a resentment. Deep down its probably because that is who I have become. Not towards those in the “program” but those that sit in the pews every Sunday. I’ve judged them, offered no grace and have no compassion for their lack of understanding of addictions.
Heck I can even say that for some of my recent relationship problems are in part due to an attitude of being holier and better than her. I’ve been judging her for the mistakes shes made. Offering no grace or compassion even though so much has been given to me. Wow, I am a jerk.
So does this answer the question “Who are you?” Im a flawed human who without Christ would be a lost. Even though I strive to do what the Bible says is Truth…I still fail. Despite all my short comings and screw ups that I have made in the past/will continue to make…I still keep putting one foot in front of the other and attempt to live life as a follower ofI was challenged to get real and honestly what I wrote above is a bunch of fluff. So here goes, love it/hate it, worry/dont worry….if this is about cleaning out what I have stored up inside, it needs to get out.
I was challenged to get real and honestly what I wrote earlier is a bunch of fluff. So here goes, love it/hate it, worry/dont worry….if this is about cleaning out what I have stored up inside, it needs to get out.
Back to who I am. I love to help people, the biggest joy I now get is seeing other people smile. Its a double edged sword at times. I can give so much of myself that I overextend to the point that I neglect my own needs, mentally, spiritually and physically. Unless I have my focus on Christ and giving Christ like love….I get screwed. When I can love as 1 Corinthians 13 says, I may not get what I want but I always have peace.
May30
Who Are You?
I suppose i’ll continue to write on what ‘The Professor” asked me the other night. Well it helped that after the last entry she sent me an email that said “Nuts, looks like house cleaning may be taking place FINALLY…and its cuz u can handle it now. Pretty emotionally courageous. Inspiring.” So if its helping clean out my crap…why stop. Besides its healthy and gives a little more insight on the guy writing about recovery on a daily basis.
Who are you?
Hmmmm, my initial thought was “What in the heck are you talking about? All you gotta do is go through the previous 450+ blogs I wrote!” Whats weird is that my facebook bio probably says it in a more concise fashion….I have learned from my mistakes and will make even more, if you’re looking for perfection? Its not me. My life is crazy, chaotic with never a dull moment but I try my hardest to find peace through it all. I am brutally honest, say things that someone might not want to hear and stubborn as an ox. I also will do anything for my family, fight for my friends and sacrifice for those I love. Take the good with the bad….it’s who I am.
My favorite activities are; crossfit, martial arts, 24 Hour Fitness and hiking. Interest include; debating, reading, fast cars, people watching, electronics and researching random things. Favorite musicians: deadmau5, Metallica, Michael W Smith, Point of Grace and Nadia Ali….I could list my favorite books, movies & television shows but the point I am trying to make? Im just a normal guy who does/enjoys/participates in things just like those who read this blog.
I realized that not once did I mention that I am a follower of Christ nor did I mention that I am a recovering alcoholic. Its something that my sponsor questioned me about yesterday. He asked why I dont use my facebook as a tool to spread the word of God or advertise about my ministry? The bottom line, is that a majority of my friends in Hawaii are still in the party scene. If I was to shove Jesus or sobriety down their throat, they would delete or ignore me.
What I have found works….just stay sober. They all know my story about going to rehab, working in treatment, no longer drink/doing drugs, etc. If and when I see them out, they have thanked me for not bombarding them with recovery stuff. The most important “advertisement” that i’ve done? Living life through the good/bad times without reverting back to my old ways.
So who am I? Jonathan K. Okinaga. If there is anything more you want to know…just ask via comments, emails, phone calls or text messages. Whatever form you want the answers posted, im willing to do. The days of hiding who I am at my core ended over 3 years ago. All you have to do is ask. Oh one more thing, I got a few more questions from The Professor to answer. Its first come, first serve…I try not to play favorites.
I suppose i’ll continue to write on what ‘The Professor” asked me the other night. Well it helped that after the last entry she sent me an email that said “Nuts, looks like house cleaning may be taking place FINALLY…and its cuz u can handle it now. Pretty emotionally courageous. Inspiring.” So if its helping clean out my crap…why stop. Besides its healthy and gives a little more insight on the guy writing about recovery on a daily basis.
May29
Whats The Real Deal?
I’ve been given a challenge to not write to the masses and get real about what is really going on in my soul. Here goes….
What about the real deal?
Not quite sure what she’s asking but what is real at the moment…pain. Emotionally, physically and spiritually there is hurt that has been ravaging my serenity. The only one to blame is me. It would be easy and an old behavior to place the blame on people, places or things. At the end of the day it is up to my walk with God that results in serenity, nothing more and nothing less.
Emotionally, I subjected myself to being used and abused. This is not just relegated to the female Ive been writing about. There are others that I have allowed to take advantage of my kindness (its just easier to write about her ). The anger and resulting frustration is the consequence of not taking a step back, examining the situation and decisions not based on what I think but what I know. Sucks but its true.
Physically I have been pushing the limits of what my body can handle. Crossfit, marital arts and training other people. Some days I was spending 6+ hours working out or helping friends train. Rest days? Hahahaha, what are those? Now my body has told me “Ok dummy, if you’re not going to rest….here are injuries that will force you to chill out.” I had spent so much time and effort using physical fitness as the main outlet for stress that I ended up neglecting other areas of my life.
Spiritually…I got lazy. 99% of the current pain I am going through is because I lost focus of what needs to be important. If I had kept my eyes on Christ instead of getting distracted by “stuff”…I would be in a much better place; emotionally, physically and spiritually. Yup, I make foolish choices even though I know what is Truth. If I truly have faith in that Gods will is better than my will…
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
I’ve been given a challenge to not write to the masses and get real about what is really going on in my soul. Here goes….
What about the real deal?
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